Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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