I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sorry about my life...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
