If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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