There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
