OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
