I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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