Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
