I love black thongs
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
