Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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