I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
