a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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