you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
