I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
