I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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