I CAN MOONWALK!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
