for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
