End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
