So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
