I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
