Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
