Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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