She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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