He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
