You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
