It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
