I'm so fucking centered right now
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
