I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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