Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
