i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
