I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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