I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
