The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
