i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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