i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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