Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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