So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
