im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
