Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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