just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
