Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
