it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
