i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
