Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Even my vagina gasped.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
