I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
