You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
