i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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