i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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