nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
