just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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