He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
